xlovexendedx (xlovexendedx) wrote in ojs_advice,

I wrote you a comment, Alexis, but it was too long to put in the comment thing. so here it is.

Last year I used to cut, and my boyfriend broke up with me because I "changed." I used to be a REALLY happy girl, like nothing could make me cry, I was always laughing and smiling. But then when I went out with Jamie, everything changed.

He was suicidal and I was happy. It felt so unbalanced, and he wanted me to make him happy, but I didn't know that. I made myself suicidal for some really stupid reason, but I remember walking through the mall with him, he was dressed in all black, and I was all colorful and I thought "I am going to start wearing black, and I am going to become suicidal."
He didn't like it. But he put up with my shit for like 5 more months [cause it was in the 3rd month we were going out when I started going all weird, and we went out for eight months].
I would have cut marks all up my arms and all over my wrists. I also felt it was the only way I knew how to relieve my pain.
But after he broke up with me, he told me that when I become myself again that we can get back together. I don't think he meant it because I am back to myself and he knows that, he told me he knows it, but we aren't back together yet.

But I tried SO hard to be happy and I had to stop cutting so that he would see I'm happy.
And I found new ways to relieve my pain, now I just take lots of pictures, write in my livejournal [that sounds stupid, but it helps me a lot], I paint pictures, play with art. I really like art. But I know how hard it is to stop cutting, because my school found out and they called my mom and told her that I cut and stuff. So my mom called my therapist, and my therapist told her to hide all of the knives, so we had no more knives and I couldn't used razors, I hated using razors. so I would break cds, use spoons, everything I could find to cut because Jamie made me so depressed. Well, finally I realized if I wanted Jamie back I would have to stop, so I stopped and all the time I just wish I could cut, but me and him are good friends again and I am working so hard to get back together with him.

But I fell in love with taking pictures, and making things that I feel that, that helps a lot more than cutting did.  so I think that you should find something that you can do instead of cutting. and try hard to be happy. I know that it's hard, but there HAS to be some way that you can be happy.

And you are beautiful, I know that I've never seen you, but if you feel beauftiful when you are with Tom, then you are. Other people can make you feel ugly, but if there are times that you feel pretty than you are.

<3839745983475. add me if you want. :)

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